genderwild mystic; diary #1

#DefendAfrin

#FreeOcalan

Nineteen years ago, on 15th February 1999, an international conspiracy culminated in the revolutionary thought-leader and feminist Abdullah Ocalan being imprisoned in a Turkish jail, in which he still resides -if he is still alive.

Reading Ocalan’s words today contributes to my increasing realisation that, by the standards of mainstream modern civilisation, I too am a ‘radical’. I don’t necessarily like the connotations of this word, and how it might falsely seperate me from some of my not-so-radical friends. Because, in the sense that I just want to live a free and balanced life, in respect of all human beings and the ecology of the planet, ‘radical’ is only normal and natural. Moreover, on these terms there is a radical inside all of us, waiting for the moment to have the courage to speak up. Surely it is in our uncorrupted Nature to wish to achieve balance in all things? Surely the global civilisation-mesh that we now live in is the most imbalanced in history?

This was supposed to be a personal diary extract, taking the pressure off from discussing wider concerns and complex social issues. But of course, I am inseperable from what is going on in the world.

One of my so-called ‘radical’ responses to the world I live in is to practice celibacy, and that includes with myself. After a few months of practice, this seems to be bearing fruit. Sometimes, there are moments where I feel I am denying myself. I may even experience physical pain as a result of this. But in other moments I feel less denied and more contained and focused. My creativity then bursts forth in writing, theatre and song.

I also contemplate how my celibacy is linked to my feminism. Wanting to be a better person, to improve my self, my male / queer gender and its relation to other genders, particularly women. In the past, I admit I have been a trawler of images of women, not specifically pornographic but led by porn, so that everywhere I looked, I would see women as more or less stylised images; not as themselves.

I would like to say I am free of all that but I’m not. I may be free from pornography but I am not free from the pornographication and sexualisation of culture which is everywhere around us in modern society. We categorically do not live in sexually liberated times. I know what sexual liberation is, in my body, heart and mind. I have found the beginnings of it in practice, in the communes I have visited. I am sex positive, and if society was truly liberated, I might not be celibate. Modern consumerist society, however, mistakes sexual proliferation for sexual liberation. It’s not the same.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I dedicated my love to the women of Afrin, who are right now defending the most radical women’s movement in history, in Afrin, northern Syria, against a horrific Turkish invasion. Please help me support them.

 

 

2 thoughts on “genderwild mystic; diary #1

  1. I like this post. It’s intensely personal and honest, and I applaud your taking the risk to be so vulnerable to the world. Takes tremendous courage. One question: what does it mean to be “sex positive”, sounds like some kind of disease or condition?! Of course you know that celibacy has been practiced for millennia by those seeking enlightenment, so the person can move the kundalini energy up the spine and to the crown chakra, thereby giving all that sexual energy to its highest purpose. I still maintain it can be done during sacred sexuality with a partner, but it needs to be the right partner!
    Kudos for working to overcome your base nature and working to see the feminine in a more evolved way. This is a practice, especially during our post post modern age of bodies being utterly sexualized and cut off from their humanity by the mainstream media, controlled by corporate greed. Thanks for the post!

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    1. Hi Singing, wow, what a response! Makes it all worth it! ‘Sex positive’ is just a term that modern feminists and folk who have unconventional sexualities use. It is hard for me to define but it hints at seperating full and healthy sexual expression, not necessarily with just one partner, from the base over-sexualisation of culture that you wrote of. It is a term often used by women who wish to reclaim their sexual freedom from the shaming language of men who would call them ‘sluts’ etc but I think it is a term useful for anyone wishing to decouple honest sexual expression from the over-sexualisation of culture. I personally am very sexual -in theory, and see no problem with people having many sexual partners. (Although I currently choose celibacy). But it’s the intention that’s key. Is sexual contact pursued with genuine spontaneity, creativity and desire to connect as well as to satisfy personal desire, or is it, more negatively, about asserting power, reliving unconscious social scripts or a tool to manage pain? This is what folk have to ask themselves, I think….Indeed I know that celibacy has been practised by folk for millenia, seeking enlightenment. So wish me luck! // On another matter, have you got an email address? My email address is matthew.leveret@gmail.com I have a proposal for you, related to your writing. If you could email me your email address, I can tell you about it!

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